One-Step World Peace

            I would like to tell you about how we could achieve world peace in one-step. I understand that you may think that I am clinically ill for proposing that I have a solution for world peace that is only one tiny step. I mean it has been an elusive concept for millennia.  How can it be as easy as one step? It is a simple yet mind-bendingly difficult concept. It boils down to how you think of yourself and how you react of others. By applying this concept to our daily lives, our dyadic communication, our organizations, our nations, and all the way up to our world, we take steps towards making this world a better place. I’m going to focus on the first three places I mentioned: self, individual communication, and within an organization. If we can apply this to just those three we could virtually eliminate the need for risk management and undoubtedly increase our retention within Alpha Phi Omega. Now, I’ve been hyping this up without telling you my secret. The secret to a better environment is simply empathetic listening. Now, bear with me for just a few minutes and I will explain. Most of us know how to listen, but with that we have a learned set of biases that influence what we hear and interpret. We have a unique set of filters that create our personal reality: culture, language, values, beliefs, attitudes, expectations, intentions. Because no one has the same perceptual set, no one has the same reality. I’m not saying that everyone should be psychiatrically admitted. In order to succeed at interpersonal communication you have to be aware of not only your own filters, but the filters of those around you. By applying empathy and understanding to why someone thinks the way they do, you can better succeed in finding a solution that pleases both parties.

In order to be successful, the most important aspect is having a true sense of self and acknowledging your personal biases. For this I’m going to recount some of my own perceptual filters and how they affect my reality. It is an example of why I will see the world differently than every other person in this room. I grew up in a home with divorced parents, one of whom revealed he was in fact gay when I was 9 years old. I grew up in the Catholic Church and then denounced it when my priest told me at age 11 that I was a bastard child who would never find Heaven. I’ve been in situations of sexual and physical violence and experienced episodes of major depression. But even with those factors, I have a wonderful set of friends and family who encourage me in everything that I do. Can you see how my perceptual filters would cause me to see the world differently than other people? I encourage you to think about what some of your perceptual filters are because understanding what affects your interpretation skills will help you look past your personal biases, see situations from multiple perspectives, and embrace post formal thinking. Next time you find yourself getting angry or vehemently in support or against something, I urge you to reflect on what experiences and conditions have led you to that response and consider what perceptual filters people who might disagree with you might have. Considering the perceptual filters of others is what will truly lead to a sense of harmony in your life, so let’s move on to dyadic communication.

                The first step to applying this concept is through dyadic communication, or communication between two parties. Remember, everyone has their own reality and it will inevitably be different than yours. When someone expresses a sentiment that you disagree with, remember there is a reason that they think that way. Their reason is dictated in the same fashion yours was: through their individual experiences. For example, if you recall from my above example, I had a gay father and I have denounced my religion. As a result, I am very passionate about gay rights: a hugely controversial subject in society right now. I also know people who are vehemently opposed to the idea of two men or two women being married. I will never agree with them because I interpret not only their Bible, but my moral compass in a different fashion than they do, but I do have the ability to consider why they might think the way they do. What could influence them to believe that gay marriage should not happen?

·         How they personally interpret the Bible

·         Fear of Rejection by important parts of their life

·         External influences:

o   Church

o   Family Beliefs

o   Beliefs of Friends

We must remember that people are a product of their surroundings. Their biases are learned and they were not born with them. We must understand that getting angry at someone for their beliefs is not productive. Instead try to utilize empathy and see the situation from their perspective. In some cases, you might see the situation in an entirely new light and learn something from the experience. Approach every interaction you have with an open mind and the results could surprise you. Our goal should be a healthy understanding of one another in order to cultivate respect. When this mutual respect and understanding can be achieved on both sides, both parties can universally walk away better than when they first encountered.

Now, we can move on to the organization. Your committee, chapter, section, region, and the national organization as a whole are all dyadic communication on a larger scale. There will always be disagreement as to what is best for the organization going forward. Make it a goal to check your filters when approaching a problem and consider the filters of others. Acknowledge why you think the way you do before engaging in an argument. Be empathetic and listen to why others feel the way they do. This will lead to a decline in tension. This decline in tension will often lead to you being a happier individual as well as the individuals surrounding you to be happier. Approaching things in this way creates the highest probability that a solution that is acceptable to everyone is met. When the organization as a whole is happier, the issue of retention lessens and the need for risk management virtually ceases to exist because the group is functioning harmoniously.

Speech Prezi

There is No Excuse for Stupidity

      The culture that is New York City and the rest of the East Coast is unlike anywhere else in the country. Growing up in its shadow has certainly contributed to who I have become as a person. As a child, I thought that attending various dinner parties and spending the afternoon at the yacht club swimming and sailing on Long Island Sound was something everyone had the opportunity to do. If you didn't know the difference between port and starboard by the time you were five, you were considered a dunce. In a way, the existence from an outward prospective can seem extravagant, but in Larchmont, it's what everyone seemed to do.

      This culture trickles down from an attitude that I think more of society should take in life. When you visit New York and the people I have grown up around, you will not find an ignorant person. People who live here can be seen as a little conceited, pompous, and haughty at times, but you would be hard pressed to find someone truly oblivious to the world around them. 

     There is no shortage of intelligent banter that occurs in this what some might consider a socialite type of atmosphere. Everyone I know reads current events, is capable of holding intelligent conversation, and is interested in pursuing learning, no matter what their age. There is a certain level of social engagement that is expected of you here. It is amazing to just sit and listen, because everyone has an opinion that they are willing to back up with a reason for them. I find it refreshing that I heard a 16 year old chime up in the middle of a conversation about 4th century Christianity and Judaism and have an interesting comment to add to the conversation.

      I honestly wish that more people would prescribe to this style of living. If everyone was as socially engaged as this small circle of people that I have grown up around, the world would be a much more progressive place. People should feel that it is their responsibility to stay informed. It is alarming that a lot of children in Westchester County, New York are more informed about politics than most of American adults, but it's downright alarming that they are probably more insightful than many members of Congress.

      Everyone should take a leaf out of these peoples' books and pick up a book and tune into a news station once in a while. The prerequisites to become a citizen of this country should be ingrained in the minds of those born here. If you haven't bothered to read the Constitution and learn the more important points of at least the country's history and preferably the world, make it your mission to do so. If you have no idea the difference between a Shi'ite and a Sunni or what is going on in Syria, read up. 

      It has always surprised me that ignorance is not listed as one of the deadly sins. If you were to look at most atrocities happening on this planet, it always boils down to ignorance. The first step to making this world a better place for the next generation is to be informed about what makes this world a shitty one. Ignorance is not bliss. Picking and choosing passages of different texts, sacred or legal, and taking them out of context or ignoring the others is morally corrupt. Your beliefs and morals should not blindly replicate those of your parents. The only way for progress to occur is to expand your knowledge base and create your own. 

      I'm not saying to abandon what your family and friends have molded you to be, but you should expose yourself to as much of the world as possible. Drink it all in because the educated are who make it far in the world. If you look at history, the go-getters are the ones to enact the change. The phrase, 'I don't care,' was not in their vocabulary. Think of your biggest role model or someone you most admire in the history books, did they blindly follow the crowd or did they try to look at the world a bit differently? It really comes down to the fact that you have to be the change you want to be in the world and in order to do so effectively, you have to be educated.

I am pro-life, anti-gay marriage, and pro-guns.

      I am pro-life, but only when it concerns myself. When it concerns another human being, I will relinquish that viewpoint in concern to myself and support whatever choice they may choose when it concerns their own body. I say this with the stipulation that the abortion is performed within the legal amount of time after conception or if the pregnancy becomes life threatening to the mother after the legal window closes. I have this political stance because I believe a child should come into this world and be cared for by people who truly want them. If a mother wants to get an abortion, she does not want the child. No child should ever be born into an environment in which it is not wanted. People retaliate to this saying that the parent should choose adoption. There are so many children in the foster system already. In the US, there are approximately 100,000 children of all ages waiting to be adopted. I feel it is only fair to give them a home to call their own.

      I am anti-gay marriage, but only when it concerns myself. I do not have any future plans to marry a woman, mostly because I like boys (a lot). Anyone else who wishes to marry someone who has the same naughty bits as them though, go for it. Love is love, everyone deserves the right to be happy. People say it is against the teachings of the Bible. Number one: No, butt sex is against the teachings of the Bible. Number two: So is divorce, eating shellfish, playing football, tattoos and working on Sunday, but most of America does those things any way. Besides, marriage is a contract with the government, why does religion have anything to do with it? For those people who harp on the fact that marriage is an institution meant for procreation, then, why are post-menopausal women and infertile people allowed to wed? Return to the previous paragraph, there are so many children in need of homes: adoption is a wonderful option (FOR ANYONE who can provide a stable loving home, including the gays). Also, I'm pretty sure that babies magically happen out of wedlock, for supporting evidence: turn on MTV.

       I am pro-guns, but only in the case that the people operating them have thorough training and background checks. It should not be easier to purchase and own a gun than to get mental healthcare assistance. I also believe that there is no need for a civilian to have an assault rifle or for them to have high capacity magazines, let's leave those to our military. There is also a time and a place for using and carrying guns. Places where guns are outright fun and great to have: while hunting and in public places such as schools. All these activists wanting to arm school teachers, do you really want teachers to have immediate access to a gun while dealing with your terrible children? You might want to rethink that.

       I like to think that if another person's choices are in no way harming others, then they should be free to continue making those choices. The world is a better place for everyone when people are not trying to oppress others because they do not wish to live the exact same way that they do. This is the United States that we are living in, we were founded on freedom and equality, let's practice it.

What is Normal?

      There are a lot of people who like to remind me on a regular basis that I am not normal. Actually most of the time, they just like to laugh at my completely different set of morals and quirky behaviors. There is one fact that I do know: there is no such thing as normal, just varying degrees of weird. I know my life experiences aren’t anywhere near normal and I’m perfectly at peace with that. I like to think my childhood has given me an undeniably unique perspective on life. I grew up in world of contradictions. I lived in two very different worlds. It all depended upon which parent I was with. I had a mother who raised us in the conventional manner. She kept us in multiple extracurricular activities and brought up children with stellar grades and who were expected to have matching manners. She brought in the degree of stability that every child needs. She excelled as a single parent and performed better than many children brought up in a unified household. There is no question that she is the person in my life that I most look up to and I will count it as my greatest accomplishment in life if I can be half the mother she has been.

     Even under the care of such a wonderful human being, most of my quirks and truly influential moments come from the less stable part of my life. My father was a wonderful man who loved his children to a fault, but stability was not his forte. The safe reason for that was he could barely take care of himself let alone three children on his own. My mother did a lot for him while they were married. Looking back, I see now that those ten years were like caring for four children rather than three.

      My father was all book smarts and had absolutely zero common sense. He didn’t know how to clean a house or how to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Marching to the beat of his own drummer was an understatement. He didn’t seem to realize that you must set limits when it comes to your children and that there is a level of appropriateness in what your children should and should not know at a young age.

For example, here are some examples that others might call missteps in parenting:

• Allowing your 10 year old to watch Silence of the Lambs
• Leaving your sex toys and porn within view of your 12 year old
• Allowing your 14 year old to steal the neighbor's dog
• Buying your 16 year old handles of 100 proof vodka
• Offering your 17 year old marijuana

      The saddest part of this coin is he probably did all of this as a way to spite my mother, because each action was fronted with the promise that we wouldn’t tell her. Even with these mistakes, some of the things he introduced me to, I feel that everyone should be aware of. When my father came out of the closet, I learned about an entirely different culture. Interacting with the gay community has given me the chance to develop a much more open mind than I would have had by never leaving my sheltered bubble in Springboro, Ohio. My father decided to maintain a residence in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Dayton for when he was in Ohio. It was not uncommon to hear gunshots or to meet people who did not have as lucky a home life as I was blessed with. My father was heavily involved in animal rescue and I got to experience the rehabilitation of severely abused animals as well.  I was thrown into a radically liberal atmosphere from a somewhat conservative one after my parents divorced. At 17, I became involved enough in politics that I decided to work the election. This is a direct result of my experiences with my father and the community with whom he surrounded himself.

      All this said, my father was a very good man despite all of his faults and there are a great number of people who will attest to that. When the people he was closest to look at me, they see him. I, personally, like to think some of my best attributes came from him. I got my love of service, animals, and people from my father. I have developed his overwhelming confidence and knack for anything academic and I, like him, would go to the ends of the Earth for someone I love.

      Overall, my childhood was hallmarked by interaction with opposite spheres of society and these experiences ultimately complimented each other enough to get me a uniquely well-rounded childhood. I lived so many fronts. I got to grow up in a yacht club, an affluent suburb, and a ghetto. I got to grow up in a traditional structured household and an alternative one. I got to grow up in a conservative town and a liberal city. I have lived with the underrepresented and politically undermined and the people who have societal influence. I got to experience it all because my father didn’t always play by the rules and had no problem forging his own path. Some people may say that I had a screwed up childhood; I like to think it was exquisitely eccentric.

Panther Pride

      Springboro, OH: The town I grew up in has been in the news a lot lately in regards to the practices and policies being implemented by its Board of Education. National media outlets have highlighted it decision to bring the possibility of teaching creationism to the table. They continue to have the proposal on the table even after intervention of the ACLU for the infringement upon First Amendment rights. A school board member has stated that he wishes to allow teachers and staff to carry weapons on school grounds. The school board is also anti-levy and has been systematically attempting to take away the teachers union's collective bargaining power and faculty and staff benefits.

      As an alumni of the school, all of this deeply saddens me because the staff within Springboro Schools is a group of outstanding educators who put the children they teach first. These Board members are doing what seems to be everything in their power to make the district a place in which it is unattractive to work. During the recession, the teachers took temporary pay reductions and cuts in benefits, but the continued withholding of these benefits is ultimately what will become a detriment to the students because these quality educators will leave the district in search of better jobs.

      I believe in being an educated member of society, an attribute that I developed during my time as a student in this district. So after all the outcries I have been hearing from my hometown, I decided to take a look at the proposals that the Board of Education and Springboro Education Association are proposing as edits to the current contract. What I found supports the argument that these educators are not asking for anything lavish. In fact, the majority of their demands are for the benefit of their students. Furthermore, from my interpretation of the Board proposals, I found many instances in which the Board is protecting itself and eliminating benefits to not only the educators, but also their students.

Springboro Education Association Proposals

Board of Education Proposals

Here are the highlights from the demands that the SEA is making to the Board of Education:

• they are asking for things that benefit the children they are teaching
• reduced class size
• uniformly disbursed skill level of students
• uniformly disbursed IEPs
• the salary they are asking is actually less than the average cost of living for the area and not excessive
• Cost of Living: Dayton Area
• they are asking for fair evaluations and have an outline for them that is structured to promote student achievement 
• the entirety of their proposals appears to be not only for their protection but also for the protection of their students by attempting to provide them with a quality education
• only excessive request I found was the proposal for one delayed day a week

In contrast, here is what I attained from the Board proposals:

• the board proposals seem to be aimed at protecting their position within the system
• they added a portion in which the union cannot advocate for or against a candidate through the schools to their union members
• they want to eliminate the evaluation system
• want to retain the ability to bring in an employee from outside the school district over employing someone already qualified within it who knows the students
• taking away protections such as family and medical leave
• cutting back on class planning time in the day
• taking away class size caps
• making caps on health insurance coverage that do not take inflation and rising healthcare costs into account
• eliminated all professional development and tuition reimbursement
• there is a new article eliminating collective bargaining for the length of the contract whilst other portions give the board to change parts of the agreement based upon available funds

      When you analyze the sides in this collective bargaining battle, you begin to truly see where each side stands. The educators of this school are notorious for standing up for their students and going above and beyond to see them succeed. The school board is filled with people who have higher aspirations in life that have nothing to do with this school districts.They preach financial responsibility as one of them files for bankruptcy. They do not care about the students in this district; they care about a bottom line and it is transparent in their proposals.

      I personally still have a very large vested interest in the policies and quality of this school district. Not only am I an alumni, but I also still have a sibling at this high school. I want for him the same experience that I got while at Springboro High School. I want him to have the same teachers who greatly influenced who I am today and helped me reach excellent heights in my academic achievement. These people whose benefits the Board is trying to restrict are some of the most influential people in these children's lives. They are also people who care about the kids they are teaching and go to great lengths to see them succeed. The community should be standing behind them and not allowing the Board to ruin this school district by driving them away. This is why I will be changing my voting precinct back to Springboro for the next School Board election. I believe that this community should be putting their children first, because this is a city which people come back to generation after generation to put down roots. These kids are the future of society and they need the quality educators to make sure they are prepared to thrive within it.

Petition Against Springboro School Board

20 Things You Can Only Learn Outside the Classroom

After 3 years of college, I can honestly say the most important things that I learned were not taught to me by a professor and not read in a book. The most important things I have learned have been from my peers and experiences outside a classroom setting and in my eyes are much more valuable than anything that can be taught while sitting at a desk.

1. You learn who your true friends are when you're struggling, not when you're partying.
2. You can love someone more than words can express, but hate them at the same time.
3. There are people who truly have no redeemable qualities. They are not worth having in your life.
4. Some people you can only tolerate when you're drunk.
5. You become the people with whom you surround yourself. Choose friends based on the qualities you want to ascertain. 
6. Even when they move thousands of miles away, your true friends will always be there for you.
7. Everyone has their own set of challenges and struggles, no one is perfect.
8. It is important to stand up for yourself, but pick your battles. 
9. Family is the most important thing in life.
10. Family is not only the people with whom you share blood. You can choose who you want it to be.
11. Life is fragile. You never know who will still be here tomorrow, so never withhold affection for those you love.
12. Sometimes those who care the most are the most overbearing and hard to handle.
13. People with disabilities or other obstacles are often times the people who have the brightest outlook on life.
14. There is so much more good than bad in the world.
15. The world is only as scary a place as you let it be. Confidence will take you far.
16. You are stronger than you know. Hardship brings it out fast.
17. Sometimes, it is okay to breakdown just make sure it's in front of the right people.
18. Hate is an emotion not worth having, replace it with indifference.
19. Resolve differences early and privately, don't let them fester.
20. The world is a small place. Be slow to burn bridges.

It's not often that I support Boston....

      I find that, as you grow up, you slowly find out that the world can be a very cruel place. There are people out there without good intentions whose sole aim is to cause havoc, destruction, and incite fear into peoples' lives. It is a sick reality that slowly becomes increasingly evident as we age. What happened yesterday in Boston was a terrible act of violence upon what was supposed to be a spectacularly celebrated day for so many people. Two bombs exploding in a crowd of innocent spectators on Patriots day in the 26th mile of a race dedicated that was dedicated to the 26 people who lost their lives in Newtown is absolutely sickening. 

      In the last decade and a half, I watched as planes hit two towers in a city that I consider my second home. I watched waters rush over the 9th ward in New Orleans when the levy broke during Katrina. I looked first hand at some of the destruction caused by Sandy. I watched as news of the shootings in the Aurora, Colorado movie theater, Sandy Hook Elementary, and Virginia Tech scrolled across my news feeds. Every night as you watch the news, it seems as though there is some atrocious act of inhumanity or nature wreaking havoc over our country. It is amazing how much damage so few people can do on our society. What is glossed over, often times, is the rallying that occurs afterwards. 

      On September 11th, 2001, the world watched as the people of New York ran through the streets of the financial district away from the Trade Centers. But, as that was happening, thousands of men and women were running towards the towers trying to get people out. People held vigilant for weeks looking for survivors in the rubble. The nation unified in a strong network of support as people from all across it descended upon the New York and Washington with their services.

      In 2005, the flood waters from Hurricane Katrina wrecked the 9th ward, killing some and displacing thousands. People flooded to the site to give aid and volunteer. To this day, people are still returning to volunteer and raising money to rebuild.

      As one disturbed individual went into an Elementary School and proceeded to harm students, teachers and other faculty barricaded the children in hiding places and used themselves as shields to keep them safe. Then in the aftermath, millions of people rallied their support to the small town offering any assistance that they could.

      Yesterday in Boston, a radical minority caused extreme pain in the heart of a strong city. They left three dead and over a hundred people injured. Scenes of terror were blaring through every American television leaving the nation stunned and terrified. But even in this situation, there were people rising to the occasion. Within seconds of the bomb blast, you see first responders and marathon volunteers running towards the chaos. There is footage of people plowing through the rubble to help those in the direct blast zone. People who had just finished a marathon continued running on to hospitals in an attempt to donate blood to the victims. Boston residents offered up their homes to victims and stranded individuals and came into the streets offering them food and water as comfort. Former Patriot Joe Andruzzi spent hours carrying injured people to safety. 

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” -Fred Rogers

      There is evil in this world. There is a lot of evil in this world: some human, some nature. The only thing is the amount of good is in the majority. Regardless of whether it was one person behind what happened yesterday or a hundred people behind it, no matter what it is one a fraction to what good was displayed yesterday. Acts of inhumanity are often times what prompt the biggest acts of humanity. In the wake of adversity, our American citizens always come together in a strong resolve of unity and kindred spirit which is much stronger than any act of terrorism that can be perpetrated against them.

'Til the Day I Die

      My freshman year of college, I was asked by a friend to join her at an information session for one of the over 600 organizations on the campus of The Ohio State University. I had no idea what I was going to; I just went because she didn't want to go alone. I sat in a room with around 20 other people and sat a little shell shocked as Greek letters were being spoken at me. The members in front of me kept mentioning doing a lot of community service and it seemed a lot like things that I enjoyed in high school. Leaving the meeting, I still had no idea what the organization was called, but I was going to join with my friend. Looking back, that decision was one of the most critical moments of my life. That was the moment I started my journey to become a brother of Alpha Phi Omega.

     It was a huge risk for me. I was that shy kid that kind of sat in the background and didn't say anything. This idea of joining a service orientated brotherhood was terrifying. I came in with no preconceived notions. Back then, I wouldn't even be able to tell you what a brotherhood was. After four years, spending exorbitant amounts of time with these crazy people who kept throwing Greek letters at me, I think I can define it.

What is brotherhood?

      I am guilty of using the mantra, "I came for the service, stayed for the friends." From the moment I joined, I felt like I belonged. Brotherhood is that sense of belonging. Brotherhood is my first pledge meeting when the 'bigs' were introducing themselves and a guy stands up and says, "Choose me, you're going to be jealous if you don't because I'm the best big ever," (I bet you will never guess which big I chose). Brotherhood is when you find out that someone shares your favorite restaurant and proceed to go eat there weekly for over two months. Brotherhood is when someone sits in a car with you for 32 hours in the course of a week and is still willing to speak to you afterwards. Brotherhood is when you were at the hospital the entire night and spent the entire day in bed crying and someone comes to check on you at 5 pm because you hadn't been answering texts and phone calls all day, then when they see that you're in a bad place, invite you out to dinner with them. Brotherhood is when you tell someone that you think you might have to quit the fraternity and they tell you, "No matter what you decide to do, you're always welcome here and you're always my little." Brotherhood  is that someone who goes trekking across campus in the middle of finals to give you a hug and play a game of pickup volleyball because you're having a rough week. Brotherhood is when you are sitting in a hospital bed and someone comes and talks to you for five hours straight just to cheer you up. Brotherhood is when someone picks up their phone at 3 am, opens their front door, and rolls over to let you take up half their bed because you got in a fight with your roommate and can't stay in the dorm that night. Brotherhood is when your dad dies and someone comes to meet you outside chapter because they wanted to be the first one to give you a hug and when you walk in there seems to be a never ending reception line of others ready to do the same. Brotherhood is when someone carries you 400 yards up and down flights of steps because you just shattered your knee and then drives you home in the morning to grab crutches. Brotherhood is when you feel like giving up and someone gives you that push to give it one more try.

      Brotherhood happens in those moments where you form this irrevocable bond with someone. Brotherhood happens when you realize that these people are here for you, no matter what you need, and you want more than anything to be the same to them. Brotherhood is a product of common goals being completed by uncommon people. As a brother of Alpha Phi Omega, I know I am a brother for life and I have built unbreakable bonds with some of the most amazing people that I have ever met. I could speak to my brothers every day or go years without a word and the same spirit of brotherhood would remain. We are forever united in common goals and convictions: socially, academically, spiritually diverse and yet at the concurrently the same. That is brotherhood.

What is my Legacy?

      April 7, 2013 will be the one year anniversary of the day I lost one of the most important men in my life. At 11:30 in the morning on the eve of Easter, I got a phone call from my father's boyfriend informing me that I needed to get to the hospital as quickly as I could because my dad was in bad shape. I had spoken to my father only 12 hours before and had to go abruptly because there was someone on the other line. We quickly made plans for him to drive me back up to school the next day because my car was in Syracuse. I never imagined that 3 minutes would be the last time I ever spoke to him.

      I arrived at the hospital at noon because thankfully I had taken my mother to work that day and had her car. I came in and was informed that he was still in the emergency room and that they were going to be admitting him due to a large pulmonary embolism. Thirty minutes later they let me back to his room and as I walked through the door, he started coding. I got pushed back and out towards a window and watched as they started CPR and used the paddles to shock life into him 3 times. As soon as he was stabilized, they whisked him away to the ICU.

      After coding 17 times that day and enduring 2 different surgeries, I was approached as the next of kin. I was informed that there would be a good amount of brain damage and that he probably was not going to come back. They asked for consent to end extraordinary measures. He lasted until around 11:30 PM, just long enough for his mother to see him one last time.

      The hardest thing I have ever had to witness is the heartbreak that my brothers, his brothers, my family had to go through; telling my family that my father was dead was devastating.

      Going through something like that really puts your life in perspective. I have learned so much in the last year as a result of it. People come first. The people in your life are your legacy when you're gone. When you lose someone, you don't look back and remember with reverence the degree they earned. You remember the way that they touched your life. Losing my father made me completely reconsider my life. What would people remember if I died today?

      Well, I can tell you that I didn't like the answer a year ago. A year ago, I would be remembered as the depressed kid who couldn't pull her life together to save it. I was the kid that people honestly expected to see in the ground before graduation. I was scaring my best friends on a continual basis with my depravity and stupid actions. What kind of a legacy is that to leave? Not one that I would be proud of.

      In these last months, I have done my best to improve my legacy. I want to be the friend that you can depend on to always have their life together. I want people to see me, not as someone who is depressed or helpless, but as someone who has confidence in herself. I want my friends and family to know how much I love and appreciate them. I feel like that is something you can't tell people enough, that you love them.

      Almost two years ago, my best friend told me something that I didn't quite understand at the time. He said, 'The world is your oyster.' I feel like I can finally put that into practice. It isn't acceptable to sit idly by and watch the world pass you. For the first time in a very long time, I am in a fantastic place in my life. I have friends whom I love and who love me in return. I have a purpose in life: be the friend that you'd like to have. Leave a legacy that you're proud of.

      It is tragic that what led me to this realization happened. I wish I had realized sooner that I needed to be a better friend. I needed to put the people I love first. Sometimes, it takes losing something in order to realize that nothing in this world is guaranteed and that you need to take advantage while you have the chance. Life is a series of moments that you can never get back and you never know how many you have left. Love is the answer to true happiness and it isn't just the love that you receive. It's the love you give.

Can I get a Hail Mary? Or not, because that's fine too.

      In the spirit of Easter and this Lenten season, religion has been on the minds of most. I was baptized Catholic  as an infant. From what I'm told, this has saved my soul from damnation and made me a Catholic for life. The thing about that is, I don't think I want that stigma associated with me.

      My experience with the church has never been too positive: in my youth or today. I'm not sure if I've only been blessed enough to only meet the bigots and uncultured sector of the Catholic Church or if the majority of the constituency actually believes the hate that has been spewed at me and about me.

      I was forced to dress up and sit through a Catholic mass every Sunday from my infancy until I was around ten years old. I had to go hang out in Sunday School whilst the adults drank coffee and conversed afterwards. I took communion and believed the majority of what all these adults were telling me that is, until my parents' divorce. For some reason, my father was no longer welcome in the congregation and people weren't being too kind about him. A priest went as far as to tell me that I was a bastard child because of my parents' sins. That was the end of my involvement in the Church. I never went back and refused to become confirmed.

      Since then, I have managed to read the Bible and have formed my own interpretation of it. Something that I encourage everyone to do instead of blindly following a certain religion. I learned that the Bible is not the word of God, but the word of the disciples. The disciples were not God; they were not Jesus. They were common men like the rest of us. The Bible is no primary source. Much of it was written hundreds of years after the death of Christ, so the authors didn't even have a first hand account of his life. When you critically analyze the Bible, you quickly realize that you need to read between the lines and discredit parts that obviously go against Christ's essential teachings because it is riddled with the opinions of the common man. You also need to observe the fact that it is an ancient text; it is over two thousand years old. There is so much of it that does not hold a place in a modern society.

       My takeaways from the Bible were that Jesus died on the cross for me to absolve me of all my sins. He lived a life of kindness to his fellow man. His good works were not governed by hate, but by love. Jesus loved all man. He loved them no matter their flaws. 

      These takeaways are why I so ardently question and challenge the Catholic Church. I question it's refusal to allow women to be ordained. I question the church's reaction in the midst of a sexual abuse scandal. I question it's constituency in their treatment of homosexuals and unwed mothers. 

      I don't want to be associated with an organization that discriminates against others in the name of someone who preached nothing but love and understanding. I don't want to be associated with a group in which it's highest powered members ignored and denied the claims of children that they were being abused by the people from whom they were supposed to be learning of Jesus's love. When I look at these people who claim to be devout in the teachings of Christ, all I see is hypocrisy because that is all that I've ever encountered. 

      I wish that people would take the time to critically analyze their lives if they are going to preach that they are holier than thou. They should educate themselves on what message they are sending. They claim to be following the Bible, but they should critically look at the way they live their life and realize that it is nearly impossible to be following the Bible in any modern society. Instead, they are picking and choosing which parts of the Bible are convenient for them or that credit the hate that fills their hearts at the moment. 

      I believe that you do not need religion to live a morally sound life. Live your life in the ethic of reciprocity and you will generally do well in life. If you really need to drag religion into it, it's right there in the Bible, "And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise." Luke 6:31. 

      Hands down, playing by the Golden Rule will get you far. Denying other people the same things that you expect for yourself, is morally reprehensible. Govern by love, make decisions in empathy, and always question without evidence.

Growing Up Gay

   

      With all this crazy DoMA and Prop. 8 stuff going on in the Supreme Court recently, there has been a lot of debate about gay marriage. It's being discussed on the news, in social media, in my classes; it's everywhere. I, honestly, find it astounding that people are still of the opinion that marriage should only be between a man and a woman. They obviously grew up on some other planet than I did. In class today, a kid tried to argue that a marriage was only for the intent of making children. He said there was no point in two men or two women marrying because they cannot procreate. He went on to say that children raised by gay and lesbian couples were at a disadvantage to those raised by straight ones. I am not even to get into the flaws in his argument that marriages now are only for making babies. Instead, I'd like to address his claim that children raised by gay and lesbian couples are somehow disadvantaged in approximately the same way I addressed it in class.

      I have lived both sides of the spectrum. I have one heterosexual parent and had one that was homosexual. I have grown up in the same house as a transgender individual. I have been raised by a couple united in marriage. I have been raised by two people who were later divorced. I have been taken care of by two men and by a man and a woman. I can honestly say, no matter which side of the coin you analyze: I have and had two excellent parents. They brought me up to respect others and to respect myself. They taught me to take pride in myself and help any other person in need. I learned from them that no matter what you always stand up for what you believe and support the people you love. They instilled the humility to know my weaknesses and to ask for help. They molded me into the person that I am today. Someone who graduated high school with a 4.0 GPA. Someone who is actively involved at her university and performs around 100 hours of community service a semester. Someone who is happy, healthy, and makes the effort to succeed in anything that they put there mind to.

      It doesn't matter if the person that raised you is gay, straight, or transgender. It doesn't matter if you are raised by a single parent or a happily married couple. What matters are the morals they teach you and the strengths that they instill in you. A parent's job is to mold their offspring into a productive member of society and if they can accomplish that, they have succeeded. Anyone can be a parent if they are willing to put in the time and energy required to care for another human being.