What is my Legacy?

      April 7, 2013 will be the one year anniversary of the day I lost one of the most important men in my life. At 11:30 in the morning on the eve of Easter, I got a phone call from my father's boyfriend informing me that I needed to get to the hospital as quickly as I could because my dad was in bad shape. I had spoken to my father only 12 hours before and had to go abruptly because there was someone on the other line. We quickly made plans for him to drive me back up to school the next day because my car was in Syracuse. I never imagined that 3 minutes would be the last time I ever spoke to him.

      I arrived at the hospital at noon because thankfully I had taken my mother to work that day and had her car. I came in and was informed that he was still in the emergency room and that they were going to be admitting him due to a large pulmonary embolism. Thirty minutes later they let me back to his room and as I walked through the door, he started coding. I got pushed back and out towards a window and watched as they started CPR and used the paddles to shock life into him 3 times. As soon as he was stabilized, they whisked him away to the ICU.

      After coding 17 times that day and enduring 2 different surgeries, I was approached as the next of kin. I was informed that there would be a good amount of brain damage and that he probably was not going to come back. They asked for consent to end extraordinary measures. He lasted until around 11:30 PM, just long enough for his mother to see him one last time.

      The hardest thing I have ever had to witness is the heartbreak that my brothers, his brothers, my family had to go through; telling my family that my father was dead was devastating.

      Going through something like that really puts your life in perspective. I have learned so much in the last year as a result of it. People come first. The people in your life are your legacy when you're gone. When you lose someone, you don't look back and remember with reverence the degree they earned. You remember the way that they touched your life. Losing my father made me completely reconsider my life. What would people remember if I died today?

      Well, I can tell you that I didn't like the answer a year ago. A year ago, I would be remembered as the depressed kid who couldn't pull her life together to save it. I was the kid that people honestly expected to see in the ground before graduation. I was scaring my best friends on a continual basis with my depravity and stupid actions. What kind of a legacy is that to leave? Not one that I would be proud of.

      In these last months, I have done my best to improve my legacy. I want to be the friend that you can depend on to always have their life together. I want people to see me, not as someone who is depressed or helpless, but as someone who has confidence in herself. I want my friends and family to know how much I love and appreciate them. I feel like that is something you can't tell people enough, that you love them.

      Almost two years ago, my best friend told me something that I didn't quite understand at the time. He said, 'The world is your oyster.' I feel like I can finally put that into practice. It isn't acceptable to sit idly by and watch the world pass you. For the first time in a very long time, I am in a fantastic place in my life. I have friends whom I love and who love me in return. I have a purpose in life: be the friend that you'd like to have. Leave a legacy that you're proud of.

      It is tragic that what led me to this realization happened. I wish I had realized sooner that I needed to be a better friend. I needed to put the people I love first. Sometimes, it takes losing something in order to realize that nothing in this world is guaranteed and that you need to take advantage while you have the chance. Life is a series of moments that you can never get back and you never know how many you have left. Love is the answer to true happiness and it isn't just the love that you receive. It's the love you give.