To My Future Child

To My Future Child -

You have not even been conceived yet, but I fear for you in the world in which you will be raised. You will likely be born in a nation where half of the population will fight for your right to live in my womb, but does not anger at the thought of you being shot for stepping on someone's lawn while holding Skittles. Well, they would likely anger if it were you. See, in the world that you will be born into you will be born with a privilege provided to you just because of the amount of pigment in your skin. In our nation, your friends of color are twenty eight times more likely to be incarcerated than you are. People may question that statistic, but when seven times as many black people are in jail as white people and there are 4 times as many white people in this country as their are black people it is the truth. This isn't because they are inherently bad people. Your friends who were born with a darker skin color than you are more likely to receive longer, harsher sentences than you would if you committed the same crime. In the country that you will be raised, black people are statistically twice as likely to be shot by police even if they are unarmed. You will be born into a second wave of the civil rights movement because Martin Luther King Jr's dream has not been fulfilled.

I have mentioned guns. You will be coming into a world where in a 10 year span (from 2005-2015), only 71 Americans were killed by terrorists on U.S. soil, but 301,797 were killed by gun violence. It will likely still be easier for you to access and buy a gun than access mental health services. To a large portion of your country's population, the solution to this pandemic is not stricter gun regulations or background checks. They want to release more guns onto the streets. There are mass shootings daily, but they account for less than 2% of annual gun deaths. Gun owners are actually more likely to be killed with their own gun than to defend themselves with it. After 20 first and second graders were murdered at their school in Connecticut, it has become a tangible fear that I have for you. Sadly, you will have to learn how to hide and defend yourself from gun violence in kindergarten.

You will be raised to have strong opinions and that failure to speak out when you see someone marginalized is tantamount to being the perpetrator. You will be entering a world where your President might be a man who degrades women, minorities, and the disabled. Unlike his supporters, I hope that you don't stand silent when people do this because doing the right thing and standing up to bullies is a principle that needs to be woven back into the fabric of this nation. Please remember that to stand silent is to condone bigotry and that only lowers others opinion of you.

Speaking of women being degraded, if you happen to be a baby girl, you will statistically be paid $0.70 to a man's dollar for doing equal work. You will come into a world where if someone sexually violates you, the consideration of your rapist's well-being and future may outweigh your well-being and future. If someone violates you, society's first reaction will generally be one an inquiry of what you are wearing or about how much alcohol you drank last night rather than outrage. You will be born into a culture that doesn't teach men not to rape, but tells women that they must learn how not to be. If you were to be impregnated by this potential rapist, a large percentage of the people around you believe that you should be forced to bring the baby to full term. They would rather you walk around for 9 months with a tangible reminder of the horror that was inflicted upon you.

Many of those same people who would vilify you for making the choice not to bring a child to term due to not being financially, mentally, or situationally ready are also proponents of eliminating the welfare system that makes sure that children have access to healthcare, housing, and food. They say that there is never a good time to have a child, but don't have the awareness to see that there may be a bad time. Those who vilify abortions simultaneously promote (perhaps unknowingly) forcing women to bring their offspring into poverty or abusive situations where the resources to care for the child are absent.

Sadly, you will know people who fly an American flag in front of their home and tout Patriotism at every turn, but who did not find it important enough to vote individuals into public office who protect the men and women who risked their lives on 9/11 at Ground Zero protecting this country by voting for the First Responders Bill. You will know people who don't cry in outrage when they see homeless veteran's on the street not being taken care of by the nation that they so boldly defended.

It saddens and terrifies me that you will be coming into a world that is still this ugly. Luckily, not everything is bad and progress has been made. In the last year and a half, you will now be able to love and marry whomever you wish. Unfortunately, if you are a member of the LGBTQ+ community, you will still have more obstacles than your straight, cisgender friends. There is still so much bigotry in this world. This year, 49 people were gunned down in a nightclub for just being who they were. There are still people in this country actively working to repeal rights from this community. I truly hope that no matter how you identify that you understand the importance of everyone having the right to love who they want and realize that it is a fundamental human right.

I hope that you know that compassion, empathy, and a willingness to work hard are traits that outweigh any others on your path to success. I hope that you know that you have the right to make your own choices in this life. I hope that you make the important ones that you approach the situation from all viewpoints to ascertain the choice that not only benefits you, but the world around you the most. I hope for this because that is what will make you a contributing member of society.

Your religion and beliefs will not be dictated for you, but you will be expected to be able to defend them. Your father and I will not be disappointed if you choose to be a Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, or Atheist. I hope that you come to your own conclusions and find your place in the world. I hope that you know that even though you will be surrounded by this madness, that you will be loved and cherished by a family who wants nothing more than to see you succeed in spite of the world that surrounds you.

Love,
Your Future Mom

What is Normal?

      There are a lot of people who like to remind me on a regular basis that I am not normal. Actually most of the time, they just like to laugh at my completely different set of morals and quirky behaviors. There is one fact that I do know: there is no such thing as normal, just varying degrees of weird. I know my life experiences aren’t anywhere near normal and I’m perfectly at peace with that. I like to think my childhood has given me an undeniably unique perspective on life. I grew up in world of contradictions. I lived in two very different worlds. It all depended upon which parent I was with. I had a mother who raised us in the conventional manner. She kept us in multiple extracurricular activities and brought up children with stellar grades and who were expected to have matching manners. She brought in the degree of stability that every child needs. She excelled as a single parent and performed better than many children brought up in a unified household. There is no question that she is the person in my life that I most look up to and I will count it as my greatest accomplishment in life if I can be half the mother she has been.

     Even under the care of such a wonderful human being, most of my quirks and truly influential moments come from the less stable part of my life. My father was a wonderful man who loved his children to a fault, but stability was not his forte. The safe reason for that was he could barely take care of himself let alone three children on his own. My mother did a lot for him while they were married. Looking back, I see now that those ten years were like caring for four children rather than three.

      My father was all book smarts and had absolutely zero common sense. He didn’t know how to clean a house or how to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Marching to the beat of his own drummer was an understatement. He didn’t seem to realize that you must set limits when it comes to your children and that there is a level of appropriateness in what your children should and should not know at a young age.

For example, here are some examples that others might call missteps in parenting:

• Allowing your 10 year old to watch Silence of the Lambs
• Leaving your sex toys and porn within view of your 12 year old
• Allowing your 14 year old to steal the neighbor's dog
• Buying your 16 year old handles of 100 proof vodka
• Offering your 17 year old marijuana

      The saddest part of this coin is he probably did all of this as a way to spite my mother, because each action was fronted with the promise that we wouldn’t tell her. Even with these mistakes, some of the things he introduced me to, I feel that everyone should be aware of. When my father came out of the closet, I learned about an entirely different culture. Interacting with the gay community has given me the chance to develop a much more open mind than I would have had by never leaving my sheltered bubble in Springboro, Ohio. My father decided to maintain a residence in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Dayton for when he was in Ohio. It was not uncommon to hear gunshots or to meet people who did not have as lucky a home life as I was blessed with. My father was heavily involved in animal rescue and I got to experience the rehabilitation of severely abused animals as well.  I was thrown into a radically liberal atmosphere from a somewhat conservative one after my parents divorced. At 17, I became involved enough in politics that I decided to work the election. This is a direct result of my experiences with my father and the community with whom he surrounded himself.

      All this said, my father was a very good man despite all of his faults and there are a great number of people who will attest to that. When the people he was closest to look at me, they see him. I, personally, like to think some of my best attributes came from him. I got my love of service, animals, and people from my father. I have developed his overwhelming confidence and knack for anything academic and I, like him, would go to the ends of the Earth for someone I love.

      Overall, my childhood was hallmarked by interaction with opposite spheres of society and these experiences ultimately complimented each other enough to get me a uniquely well-rounded childhood. I lived so many fronts. I got to grow up in a yacht club, an affluent suburb, and a ghetto. I got to grow up in a traditional structured household and an alternative one. I got to grow up in a conservative town and a liberal city. I have lived with the underrepresented and politically undermined and the people who have societal influence. I got to experience it all because my father didn’t always play by the rules and had no problem forging his own path. Some people may say that I had a screwed up childhood; I like to think it was exquisitely eccentric.